For Peace At Home

Have you ever had a hectic day? Maybe the children have been at each other's throats all day.  Or perhaps the day started out with stress. Maybe you went off track a little today, made some poor choices, and are now regretting them.  Of course you want to have peace in your home!  But how can you invite that peace back?  Our family has been experimenting with "resets."  We return to the important starts of our days.  Our day is "supposed" to start with prayer and scripture study and perhaps a song or two. Some days we do this and still have a hectic day.  More often, we forget and have a pretty tough time.  When I notice we're having a tough moment, I call for a reset.  Everyone comes to the living room or wherever most of us are, we turn off technology, and we return to our Father.  We often start with a prayer, but sometimes we need a song to draw in the Holy Spirit first. Then we find a scripture to read together.  Most of the time, we find a good teaching moment here. We once again feel the peace of the Spirit.  We pray for more guidance in our day.  As we have practiced this "reset" idea, we have been doing better about starting our day out the right way, but we also have gotten better about resetting our days in the right way.  Our Heavenly Father is waiting for us to speak to Him.  He has answers for us, if we'll only turn to Him. Our homes can be temples to the Lord.  As we practice these little things, they can grow our faith and our testimonies.  As we center our life on Christ, we can have true peace and happiness. Simple consistent good habits lead to happiness. Are we perfect at this?  Of course not!  And we still have tough days where no one remembers we need a reset.  But we're trying and this is helping.

Where did I find this idea?  Well, it's been evolving for some time, but a part of it came from Elder Richard G Scott's talk in the April 2013 General Conference "For Peace at Home." He begins his talk with these words (emphasis added):

Many voices from the world in which we live tell us we should live at a frantic pace.  There is always more to do and more to accomplish.  Yet deep inside each of us is a need to have a place of refuge where peace and serenity prevail, a place where we can reset, regroup, and re-energize to prepare for future pressures. The ideal place for that peace is within the walls of our own homes, where we have done all we can to make the Lord Jesus Christ the centerpiece.

He tells us that parents are not the only responsible party here.  Children can be taught to help keep the peace in the home. 

Children who are made to feel accountable for their actions...grow to be trustworthy citizens in the kingdom of God.

He also encourages us to be wise in our use of technology.  The fact that we can communicate instantaneously with anyone in the world through the internet is amazing.  We can find answers to many worldly questions, connect with loved ones, and study the scriptures and other important works.  But it can also be a source of filth and distraction.  We should be very careful about what we allow into our homes and what we allow to take our attention away from the most important job we can have: helping our children grow up in righteousness. I know I've been struggling to find a balance.  We need "free time" just as much as our children do.  But our children also need times of our undivided attention.  They need to experience all the beauty that life can offer and they need us to guide them in those experiences.  We need to get out more.  We need to get down on the floor with them more. We need to talk with them and not only to them.  We need to focus our lives in service to others.  The internet can be a great tool to organize and research. But don't allow this tool to use you!

On that note, I'll leave you to read or watch Elder Scott's talk yourself, while I take my children out to experience this world, after we start our day right, of course. ;)
Read, listen to, or watch his full talk here.

An Invitation to Come Unto Him

At April 2013 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Henry B. Eyring spoke to my soul.  (Read his full talk here.)    Here's a gem for you to consider for your life.

President Eyring started by sharing his experience with drawing near to the Savior.  In the Doctrine and Covenants 88:63, Christ says, "Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."  This direction is echoed through the Holy Bible.  Like President Eyring, I have "experienced the joy of coming closer to the Savior and of His coming closer to me most often through simple acts of obedience to the commandments." He shares some of His sweet experiences, but may I share mine? I have learned through experience that when we pray for answers and are in the right places at the right times, God is able to so sweetly give us those answers.  Among other things, I've been seeking ways to come closer to my Savior.  I started by reading the scriptures on a more regular basis, pondering the words I read, and praying for more guidance.  I must say that so many times when I question came into my mind, the answer was found so quickly in the Scriptures.  I would pour out my gratitude to my Father in Heaven for those sweet and simple answers.  Then came Conference.  I've said before how much we love watching General Conference. And it remains true.  I had a prayer in my heart throughout the session that I would feel the Spirit working in me and help me find my answers.  And every single talk, I felt the Spirit burning within me!  Telling me that what these men said is true.  I felt guided to record these feelings of revelation, to start working on certain areas, to focus on particular doctrines or actions in my life.  These last 2 months I have felt so near my Savior.  I've had setbacks, of course, but I have been making strides in my life again.  And I'm sharing with my children my excitement for my Savior and His Gospel.

stock photo source

Back to President Eyring.  He tells us we "are under covenant both to lift up those in need and to be witnesses of the Savior as long as we live.  We will be able to do it without fail only as we feel love for the Savior and His love for us.  As we are faithful to the promises we have made [at baptism], we will feel our love for Him.  It will increase because we will feel His power and His drawing near to us in His service." I can testify that this is happening for me.  I had been feeling overwhelmed by so many things.  And while some things are still difficult, I feel lifted up. I feel encouraged to serve my friends, neighbors, family, and strangers.  I feel the love of my Savior more as I draw closer to Him in prayer and in scripture study.  I feel His love growing as I also feel Him drawing nearer to me.  I see more purpose in my life and less drudgery in the everyday simple things.  What is a mother but a servant to her family?  After Christ washed the feet of His disciples, a task normally left to servants, He said

Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.  If I then, your Lord and master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet.  For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.  Verily, verily, I say unto you, the servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.  If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them. (John 3: 13-17)

What a blessing we have to serve God's little ones in this way!  What an expression of love and service.  It may sometimes feel a drudgery or unrewarding.  But we are helping to raise God's children.  This is not something that happens in a day or even a year.  It requires a lifetime of daily service, one tiny step at a time.

President Eyring continues:

My promise to you who pray and serve the Lord cannot be that you will have every blessing you may wish for yourself and your family.  But I can promise you that the Savior will draw close to you and bless you and your family with what is best.  You will have the comfort of His love and feel the answer of His drawing closer as you reach out your arms in giving service to others.  As you bind up the wounds of those in need and offer the cleansing of His Atonement to those who sorrow in sin, the Lord's power will sustain you.  His arms are outstretched with yours to succor and bless the children of our Heavenly Father, including those in your family....There is a glorious homecoming prepared for us.  We will then see fulfilled the promise of the Lord we have loved.  It is He who welcomes us into eternal life with Him and our Heavenly Father.

I bear testimony that our Savior knows our needs before we can even express them.  He is anxiously waiting to bless us.  When we draw near to Him in prayer, in faith, and in service, He pours out blessings upon us.  I know that when we are obedient to His commandments, we are blessed with so much more than temporal blessings.  If the fullness of joy that is promised us in the eternities is anything like the fleeting times of joy I feel during this life, it only makes me more anxious to serve Him, in whatever way or place.

Let's talk about Pitocin

As some of you know, I'm studying to be a midwife.  I want women to have their babies where they feel the safest and most comfortable, with the people they want in attendance (or none at all), and when the baby is ready to arrive.  My first two children were born in the hospital, mostly because I thought I "had no other choice."  I didn't like what was done there and most people would think they were really good labors.  My first was actually not too bad.  Not what I wanted, but for a hospital birth it was pretty good.  For my second, I felt bullied, betrayed, and tortured. I'm not kidding.  Good thing my labors are fast or it could have been so much worse. I will admit that each experience had their good and bad, but when I talk/think about my bad experience, baby number 2 is where I go.

Birth Story of my Second Daughter

I was induced, even though I didn't want to be, after a botched up amniocentesis (which I still can't get out of my mind was botched on purpose), and "punished" for wanting no epidural.  I'd done my research and didn't want one, nor did I want the amnio, but that's another story.  I felt I needed the induction, only because the doctor botched the amnio and I was worried about my baby.  Without that, I would have gone home and waited it out. I don't fault people who choose or need either for various reasons, but I didn't want them.  The on-call doctor insisted I would need an epidural.  I held my ground.  And I'm pretty sure her form of punishment was the steady increase in my pitocin.  If I'd known better, I would have insisted on learning my Bishop's score and requesting a new non-stress test (although I'm certain baby was a bit stressed by this time!) to evaluate whether it was really necessary to induce right then.

If the labor was the only problem I had with the induction, maybe I could have healed from this experience faster.  My daughter is 3 1/2 years old and I still have major emotional issues about it.  I'm doing better every year about it, but I feel I have a mild form of PTSD from the experience.  And I'm sure it contributed to my postpartum depression.  I did better than with my first, only because I knew to expect it and knew how to overcome it.  And I had great friends who took REALLY good care of me.  But I had trouble bonding with this child. At first, I chocked it up to her being a different baby and every baby has different needs. And I remembered that with my first hospital-born baby, I kept wondering when this kid's parents would come get her.  I was breastfeeding her, bathing her, changing her, rocking her, loving her, and yet somehow she didn't feel like mine until she was around 2 months old.  I've since learned for myself that it had to do with the way the hospital treated her like she was THEIRS and not MINE.  So, I thought, maybe this was just my way of falling in love with my 2nd baby.  It would take some time.  And it did.  I couldn't understand her.  I didn't understand her cues.  I felt like she cried ALL the time.  I wondered if she had "colic." While she did have yeast problems that added to her fussiness, I just couldn't bond with her.  Breastfeeding was painful because of the thrush and I admit I resented that a bit.  When she made achievements and developments, I was happy, but not the same way as with my first.  It BOTHERED me that I didn't connect with her the same way.  I knew I had postpartum depression with her, but I dealt with that so much better than before.  But I still just couldn't understand my daughter: why she did what she did, why I sometimes felt so angry, and why I just couldn't bond with her.  Of course, I love my girls!  All of them!  But my bonding was just not right.  I didn't feel connected with her the way I thought I was supposed to.  I couldn't understand her cries.  I didn't know what she wanted when she cried in different ways.  I felt like an awful mother that I didn't understand my baby! And then I made the mistake of reading about it online where there are some really supportive people and where there are people who say things like, "Well that's just dumb.  Any good mom would know that without having to read this article."  Yeah, that really hurt.  I must not be a good mom, then, I thought.

Trying to Understand and Process My Experience

Then, various experiences happened that made we wonder if she was in the autism spectrum.  She's not, don't worry, but I wondered because I started to realize she and I both had relationship problems.  Then, I wondered if other moms who had been induced had similar feelings.  And how on earth could I get them to share that information with me?!  Who wants to admit that they can't bond with their child when everything around you tells you that you're supposed to be completely in AWE of your baby?  So, this thought stuck with me.  I found a few friends who began to accept my thinking, especially some who had also been induced against their better judgment.  Often these moms had children in the autism spectrum (which from my understanding makes building relationships difficult) or were considered high needs or were diagnosed ADD/ADHD or had some form of learning disability.  I often wondered if there was some correlation.  I'm still waiting for research to catch up with me.  I don't have a Ph.D. so I can't do the research myself, and I realize that all this so far is just anecdotal. But when people would ask my opinion of induction by pitocin, I would add that opinion to my set of reasons I don't like it.  I don't recommend it for any reason, least of them being "baby in distress."  Wisdom tells us if a baby is already distressed, you don't want to put him in MORE distress unless, of course, you needed an excuse to have/give a c-section.

And before anyone starts thinking I don't use doctors for ANYTHING, let me tell you.  I am so incredibly grateful for modern medicine.  Western medicine is THE BEST at dealing with acute, medical crises, and accidents.  If a surgery is necessary, I'm grateful I live in a country that has some of the best surgeons in the world.  If I'm in a major car accident, please take me to the hospital.  But birth in general isn't a medical emergency.  Some women need a c-section.  It's rare to be an actual need, but when it is, I'm so grateful we have surgeons who can help.  In those cases, they often save the lives of mother and child, making the 6 extra weeks of recovery worth it, I suppose.

My Break-through Arrives

Back on topic.  I had trouble bonding with my second daughter until she was about 2 years old.  And, miracle of miracles, do you know what also happened when she was 2 years old?  I had my third daughter.  At home. In my bed.  With my husband, midwife, and mother-in-law in attendance.  My daughters were watching a movie with their Pappy.  I was able to do anything I needed.  No one thought I needed an IV, or a fetal heart monitor, or continuous blood pressure cuff.  No one stopped me if I wanted to move.  Everyone helped me when I asked for it.  I felt completely and totally supported and safe.  I didn't feel self-conscious or weird asking my father-in-law and husband to give me a priesthood blessing (a priesthood ordinance of prayer, blessing, healing, and comfort) just before I went into transition.  No one insisted I have a cervical exam to check my progress.  And I'm convinced it would have slowed me down to be forced on my back so someone could make a clinical decision about my progress when I was so obviously working things out on my own.

And why was I suddenly able to bond with my daughter?  I truly and honestly believe it's because I finally had the appropriate balance and flow of natural hormones, including oxytocin.  There is a major difference in the way artificial oxytocin (brand named Pitocin) and natural oxytocin acts on the body. Oxytocin is the same hormone released when you fall in love, when you kiss or hug or orgasm, when you deliver a baby, and when you breastfeed.  It is a natural hormone whose purpose is to help you build a loving relationship with your spouse and children.  It is a defense mechanism for your baby.  When you are so desperately in love with your baby, you become the she-bear you were born to be.  You will defend that tiny bundle with every part of you.  You understand their needs better because you have bonded and understood this baby.  So with this major flow of natural oxytocin I fell in love with my new baby and I fell in deeper love all over again with my bigger girls.

ACOG's New Position

Now let's fast forward to today.  The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) is the leading authority in the United States on medical management of pregnancy, labor, and birth.  Rarely, I agree with them, sometimes I despise them and sometimes I wish they'd look at the research before making a statement.  Today, I'm a little more satisfied with them.  They released this report discussing a research study that finds adverse effects of pitocin on the newborn.  Always before it had been about the mother and any risks or benefits to her.  Now they've finally accepted that it can have serious effects on the neonate (I added the bold for emphasis,):

Researchers found that induction and augmentation of labor with oxytocin was an independent risk factor for unexpected admission to the NICU lasting more than 24 hours for full-term infants. Augmentation also correlated with Apgar scores of fewer than seven at five minutes. 

To clarify, use of Pitocin in labor greatly increased the rate of admission to the NICU, when it wasn't previously expected due to other risk factors.  AND, using Pitocin to speed up labor (augment) correlated to more babies having a tougher time transitioning to life on dry land.  Despite the seriousness of the report, researchers made this confusing conclusion:

 The analysis suggests that oxytocin use may not be as safe as once thought and that proper indications for its use should be documented for further study. “However, we don’t want to discourage the use of Pitocin, but simply want a more systematic and conscientious approach to the indications for its use,” Dr. Tsimis said.

So they say that artificial "oxytocin use may not be as safe as once thought," but "we don't want to discourage the use of Pitocin."  I'm confused.  I thought ACOG's work focused mainly on

• Serving as a strong advocate for quality health care for women.
• Maintaining the highest standards of clinical practice and continuing education for its members.
• Promoting patient education and stimulating patient understanding of and involvement in medical care.
• Increasing awareness among its members and the public of the changing issues facing women's health care. (This was taken directly from the ACOG website.)

I'd say they managed to "increase awareness" and "promote patient education" but aren't doing so well in the other areas.  It's an improvement, though, I suppose.  And gives women more ammunition when being lead to an unnecessary induction.

Disclosure:  I am not your healthcare provider.  This information is here to inform you of my experience and ACOG's own research.  I suggest you do your research and make your choices about your body and your baby's body, then discuss it with your healthcare provider, whether an obstetrician, family doctor, nurse midwife, professional midwife, other midwife, or who ever you choose to attend you in labor.

Overcoming Diaper Need

I've really been thinking about this challenge and how it truly brings awareness about diaper need.  Did you know "1 in 3 families in America struggle to afford diapers for their children"? source One-third of those families cut back on other necessities, like food, in order to purchase them.  Some have even reported drying out and reusing disposable diapers or even simply dumping the poos and reusing them!  Disposable diapers are only intended as one-time use.  They were intended to be changed 8-12 times per day for newborns and down to about 4-8 times per day as children grow.  Some of these families are forced to use only one diaper per day for their children!  That's disgusting.  Consider the health consequences of that!  

There are diaper banks across the US and world that help supply families with diapers.  With the economic state of the world right now, though, there are even more people in need and fewer resources to share, so while some get assistance, others are still struggling along.  Some have found alternative ways to help, like my local cloth diaper bank "Cover Your Bum."  They loan a supply of cloth diapers for a few months so you can save to buy your own supply.  What a blessing!  And did you know that cloth diapers hold their value better than your car?  You can often sell them used for much more than half your purchase price.

Our family started using cloth with our 2nd daughter. She was about 9 months old and going through about 2 value sized boxes of diapers per month.  I had been wanting to cloth diaper for some time, but my husband was leery of various aspects of it.  Finally, while working on our budget I came up with an idea.  We were spending about $30 per month on diapers, plus more on wipes.  My idea was to spend $30 on a beginner supply of cloth diapers and covers and use them for an entire month.  If we hated them, we weren't out any money and could return to disposables.  If we LOVED them, we would be saving about $400 per year (after I learned to use cloth wipes)!  So we did.  I made my own prefold diapers, purchased econobum one-size covers with a small supply of prefolds, and went to work.  It was a little tough of  a transition since there is a learning curve, but we were blessed to have a good washing machine and dryer and the ability to hang our clothes on the clothes line outside.  I had been making my own laundry detergent for some time and decided to use that.  We do occasionally still use a disposable when the kids stay with the grandparents, but I love our cloth.

After trying out the camp washer with my homemade t-shirt flats, I really believe anyone who is struggling but is willing to put forth a little effort can pull themselves out of this pit of diaper need.  You could wash a day's worth of flats in about 10 minutes and they dry quicker than other materials.  In ideal conditions it can take as little as 1 hour, but for us it took about 4 hours out in the sunshine.  Many have reported drying indoors with a fan running under them made it much faster.  I haven't practiced a lot yet, but next week is the challenge!  I'll get a lot of practice in!  And I've already been using my flats.  I really love how versatile they are.  Given a little time, you can find so many different folds to try, the simplest being  a simple tri-fold.  Just take your flat and fold in half. 

Fold over the uneven edges.

 Fold into thirds, width-wise.

 Fold the rest of the way over.  Tuck it in your cover and put it on baby.

With this set-up of the simple trifold, you can easily make the folds I made in my previous tutorial about prefolds. You could fan out one end and put that on baby's bottom and attach with boingos or snappis or pins.  You could twist it in the middle.  Then there are more complicated folds that put more absorbent layers  where they're most needed.  Go the dirtydiaperlaundry.com, click on cloth diapers and you'll find a wealth of information.  She even has videos on youtube show you how to do many folds, make your own camp-style washer, and make your own t-shirt diapers.  Let's do this!

Re-sizing jeans

I hate jean shopping.  I try on 20 pairs of jeans and none of them fit just right.  (Or I have to go into the size range this is not mine, just to get them on, but then they're saggy everywhere.  Or fit my hips by are so loose on my waist I could pull them off without unzipping/unbuttoning.  Or they're that awful low-rise fad that just increases my mama muffin top.  Not pretty.  Not sexy.  Just say no!  Well, when planning to go to Time Out For Women, I decided I really needed a nice new outfit that made me feel special.  It's been quite a while since I bought something new and just for me.  I really just wanted something that didn't have snot, peanut butter, or baby barf on it.  I know. It's crazy, but it was my plan.  So, I took a spare 30 minutes I had with a babysitter and went looking at the Surplus Store.  I also hate paying full price for things.  Knowing how much I detest jean shopping for the reasons I've already shared, I planned on finding a pair that was too big and hoping I could adjust it easily and make it work.  I bought a pair that were at least 2 sizes too big in the waist, but were just about perfect in the hips.  And they were only $13. Yes!  The legs were also bigger than the current style (see skinny leg jeans: blah!), but I adore the old boot cut/straight leg style anyway.  Basically, I bought these pants out of desperation and I was GOING to make them work.  When I got home, fed kids, and had a moment to myself, I started googling.  I came up with a couple DIYs that suggested ways to cut the jeans and resew the back seam, but that would put the pockets closer together.  For my wide bottom, I was worried it would make me look EVEN WIDER.  Then I found this totally brilliant tutorial.  I was giddy!  It was so simple!

Please look at her directions because they're well done for the beginner/intermediate. But basically you just cut a slit on the inside of the waistband and slip in a strip of elastic. Tighten it to the right place and sew it in.

Now, since my waist band was a bit large, it does look completely ridiculous when it's not on my body.  They're all scrunched up and funny looking.  But when I'm wearing them, I feel great and I look great.  We'll just cut out that absolutely huge number that was written on the jean size. ;-)

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Time Out For Women 2013-Kansas City

The weekend of April 19 and 20 I went to Deseret Book's "Time Out For Women."  The theme for the year's tour has been "Higher," how we can be higher in our thoughts, words, actions, and connection with our Savior.  I was only able to attend all day Saturday, so Friday night I went to the Kansas City temple with my sisters-in-law.  I completely forgot to get a picture at the temple, but I did get one of us when we went to dinner later.

Sorry it's a little fuzzy, but you can tell we had a great time together.   Here, we're at Chipotle. Yum!

Anyway, it was fantastic.  For those of you, who don't know what it's all about, Time Out For Women is an amazing program put on by Deseret Book.  It's a time for women (mothers, daughters, wives, single women) to take a "time out" to recuperate, refresh, and revive our hearts, minds, and souls.  Speakers are invited from all over to talk about ways we can uplift ourselves.  People, it was wonderful!  I've gone before, about 5 years ago but haven't been able to go since.  My dear husband insisted I go and have a wonderful time and even spent the weekend with his brother and their kids so we sisters-in-law could have a great time together!  It was so what I needed.  I love my family.  I love my babies.  But sometimes we really need to remember ourselves and refill our spiritual cups without everyone else's needs.  It makes it so much easier to deal with the day to day things that happen and need our attention and patience and and and.

So here we are waiting for the show to start.  We are all made up.  I'm wearing earrings AND a necklace and no one has peanut butter or snot on her pants or shirt. Yes, it was a good morning. :)

I would love to tell you all about everything that was said, but I just couldn't give the whole program justice.  I will share a few thoughts that really touched me and encourage you to make the time and sacrifice to go to one of these programs offered all over the US.  It's only about $60 for the weekend, and if you order your tickets early enough and with a group, you can really cut down the price to about $42.  Amazing!

What I will talk about a tiny bit is the difference in the programs offered that weekend.  We were upstairs in this huge exhibit hall, talking about how to be above the world, think "Higher," pray better, come closer to our Savior, learn to rise above fear through the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and simply be better people inside and out.  The women there were of all shapes and sizes and from all walks of life. They were young and old.  They were married, single, divorced, and widowed.  They were mothers and grandmothers.  And some were not yet either of those.  Let me tell you: they were all beautiful.  They may never have won a beauty contest with their physical looks, but their sweet spirits shined through their eyes and you knew these women knew something special.  They were excited about a "time out" and about having such a spiritual feast and such a great clean fun time!

Aren't we lovely?!  This is my sister-in-law, a couple friends we bumped into, and me after the program ended.  We had such a wonderful time!  Can you see the light burning through us?  We had been so uplifted this whole time.  We had been filled. And, extra cool to me, this program came to us just a couple weeks after the General Conference of the church and this week is another women's conference for my stake.  So many great opportunities to grow!  Yes!

 Now, let me direct you to the event going on downstairs.

 Now, I realize it could have been so much worse. And I'm not saying that a pageant is necessarily even a bad thing.  There are some really beautiful people out there.  And I love to see beauty.  I see it all over and I like to appreciate it.  And, wow, having a group of physically beautiful women in one group is actually pretty great.  The problem is when we take the focus away from all the good.  When we take all the credit on ourselves.  When we start to tear one another down.  When we allow Satan power over us by thinking that maybe we aren't good enough and that we need to do some drastic work to make us better.  I see the before photos here and think they sure look nice to me. Fit and healthy is good, of course, but the vendors' purpose was to focus on the flaws and let their self esteem take a hit until they bought into their product or service.

 The other service I saw advertised there was some plastic surgery group.  They closed their booth down before I decided to get a picture, though.  Can you imagine with me for a second?  These are already beautiful people.  God gave them the gift of physical beauty and they are using that gift.  But then Satan steps in with the "You're not good ENOUGH, though," and they start doing plastic surgery to make it "better."  It blows my mind.  So, we walked passed this pageant and the vendors outside.  I saw the girls waiting for their turn.  They had trendy and beautiful clothes.  They had obviously spent time working on their hair, nails, and makeup.  They had airbrushed tanned skin.  Nice jewelry.  But I looked at their faces.  They were lovely, but they were nervous.  I would be, too, if I were standing in front of a group of people and asking them to judge me!
I prefer to be judged by my Savior and my Heavenly Father.   They don't look on the outward appearance but on the heart.
We were excitedly going up the escalator to the learn more and become "Higher."

 One of the speakers, S. Michael Wilcox, talked about becoming "Higher" in our prayers.  He said if he could change one religious jargon to another phrase it would be "saying your prayers."  We shouldn't just "say" our prayers.  We should be as Hannah in the Old Testament who so badly wanted a child. "And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto the Lord, and wept sore" (1 Samuel 1: 10).  She "poured out her soul in prayer."  When we are filled with sadness or anger or loneliness, there's no room for healing.  We are already full.  We have to first "pour out."  Christ showed this to the apostles, on the road to Emmaus in Luke 24.  They were mourning the loss of their Savior and Friend.  Jesus, who appeared a stranger to them, was walking along the road also.  He asked them why they were sad.  They responded with surprise:  "Don't you know? Are you a stranger here that you haven't heard?"  And they tell him all that happened.  Jesus then expounds the scriptures to them, explaining that it was part of the plan.  It is coming on evening and they invite him to stay with them and eat with them.  At dinner, their "eyes were opened" and they realize that He was with them.  Then he disappears.  Did you see the healing that happened?  They were filled with sorrow. Of course our Savior knew why they were sad, as He knows why all of us feel.  He wants us to tell Him, to "pour out," so He can fill us with the Spirit and to heal us.  This completely changed the way I look at prayer.  I want to be filled with the Spirit.  He commands us to pray ALWAYS.  What a connection that He wants us to pray and "pour out" so He can fill us with Healing!

You can probably see why I love these programs.  They are so worth attending.  They bring growth and closeness to the Spirit of God and to our Savior.